I think I'm about to be sick. I just put in an application for a job.
And don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want to work but I'm so nervous I think I could rauf. Utah Valley State College has an open recruitment for a part-time faculty in Economics and it's pretty much my dream job for this stage of my life. I've been putting off applying for it because I hate the idea of leaving Emma in someone else's care for so long (or at all!) but she's getting bigger and really seems to love playing or at least seeing other kids her age. That and if I work at all I think part-time is about all I can take being away from her. So I'm feeling pretty conflicted (not wanting to let her be in daycare) and still wanting to use the degree I worked so hard to obtain. I always said I'd look for a job when it felt right but I could find reasons to never apply so here goes. I'm only minimally qualified but let's hope they're desperate or I'm lucky or whatnot. I don't even know why I'm so freaked out, either way will not be earth shattering. *gulp*
I need to go for a walk.